Pleasure and Parents?
It's always interesting to learn a little about yourself, evolve some, and then go spend time with your parents.
I spent the last two days with my parents - specifically mother and step-father (with whom I grew up).
Mostly I noticed things about myself that I got from them.
One, from my perspective, the pleasure my parents experience is stark. Definitely that's more true for Tim (the step-dad). My mom seems to surround herself with things that bring her happiness, even though aesthetically they're not very cohesive (to me). But Tim goes for function before else, and maybe only. Me feeling comfortable surrounding myself with things I think are beautiful, or even developing a sense of style have been years of work.
I learned that I learned to avoid crowds, but really just avoid people, from them.
I recognized I'm not comfortable settling in my body around them. Part of that is because I know they're not comfortable with my body. Add my own discomfort with my body and it's quite uncomfortable.
I did attempt throughout the two days to tune into my pussy. It was challenging. I think my pussy was as uncomfortable as the rest of me.
I re-noticed that my mom is frequently unwilling to ask for what she really wants or say what she really thinks or feels. This comes from much shutting-down of her. I'm sure I have this quality, but differently (so I think). Mostly noticing this makes me sad for her. I do try to open up the dialogue when I feel like she's not saying what she really wants to say. I was definitely a participant in shutting her down when I was younger. Just the three of us in the house led to a lot of choosing sides and playing off each other and manipulative bullshit or bullying. Wow, that sounds really fucked up. I think it was.
I really had a great time with them these last days. We had conversation and time well spent and adventuring and nature. And these things I mention above were much milder than times past. But I'm also in a new phase of growth, so I'm noticing things through a new lens. No resentment in any of these things. Truly just observing. Sometimes it is refreshing to recognize you learned something from someone else, rather than it just being your nature. That means you can unlearn or learn differently. Question your future choices.
I spent the last two days with my parents - specifically mother and step-father (with whom I grew up).
Mostly I noticed things about myself that I got from them.
One, from my perspective, the pleasure my parents experience is stark. Definitely that's more true for Tim (the step-dad). My mom seems to surround herself with things that bring her happiness, even though aesthetically they're not very cohesive (to me). But Tim goes for function before else, and maybe only. Me feeling comfortable surrounding myself with things I think are beautiful, or even developing a sense of style have been years of work.
I learned that I learned to avoid crowds, but really just avoid people, from them.
I recognized I'm not comfortable settling in my body around them. Part of that is because I know they're not comfortable with my body. Add my own discomfort with my body and it's quite uncomfortable.
I did attempt throughout the two days to tune into my pussy. It was challenging. I think my pussy was as uncomfortable as the rest of me.
I re-noticed that my mom is frequently unwilling to ask for what she really wants or say what she really thinks or feels. This comes from much shutting-down of her. I'm sure I have this quality, but differently (so I think). Mostly noticing this makes me sad for her. I do try to open up the dialogue when I feel like she's not saying what she really wants to say. I was definitely a participant in shutting her down when I was younger. Just the three of us in the house led to a lot of choosing sides and playing off each other and manipulative bullshit or bullying. Wow, that sounds really fucked up. I think it was.
I really had a great time with them these last days. We had conversation and time well spent and adventuring and nature. And these things I mention above were much milder than times past. But I'm also in a new phase of growth, so I'm noticing things through a new lens. No resentment in any of these things. Truly just observing. Sometimes it is refreshing to recognize you learned something from someone else, rather than it just being your nature. That means you can unlearn or learn differently. Question your future choices.
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